- Finding Curiosity in Healing - April 13, 2026
- Finding Creativity in Healing: Draw a Bird for Me - April 6, 2026
- Finding Courage in Healing - March 30, 2026
What a Friend’s Voice Taught Me About Trusting Myself
The Letter
I knew for months that I was leaving. My supervisor knew too. But I waited until exactly two weeks before my end date to hand in the letter.
My job in probation was good. Fifteen years there. Steady. Respectable. A great retirement plan. Room for advancement. The kind of job a practical part of me wanted to hold onto. But my circumstances had changed, and I was moving back to Pennsylvania to be closer to family. More than that, I was going to grad school. I was going to become a therapist.
I remember standing in the doorway of my supervisor’s office, holding the resignation letter, breathing heavy. I looked at my supervisor and said, “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Then I sighed and gave it to her.
I felt sad and anxious and certain, all at the same time. Sad because I cared about the work. Anxious because once that letter was in, there was no undoing it. And certain because somewhere underneath all of that, I knew this was the right thing.
That letter wasn’t just a resignation. It was me telling myself: I believe in me, even if some of my parts don’t right now.
Cindy
Around that time, I’d been looking for support online for anxiety and panic. I found a mental health group where I connected with three women: Cindy, Liz, and Sonya. We bonded over anxiety, parenting, relationships, and joking around. I always gravitate toward fun and witty connections. We had fun together. Yes, we were dealing with anxiety, but there were inside jokes and laughter too.
Cindy became the person I turned to when my scared parts got loud.
And they got loud. Parts of me were terrified. They said stay and keep this job. It’s too good to leave. They said what if you fail.
Cindy said something different.
“You’re smart. You’re capable. You know!”
She also told me something I’ve carried ever since: no one else’s behavior needs to be a reason for your choices. You need to do what’s right for you.
I didn’t have IFS language back then. I didn’t know what parts were, or that what Cindy was doing was helping me access my own confidence by holding steady while my protectors were doing their job. She listened to my fear without trying to fix it. She kept telling me what she saw until I started to believe her.
The Classroom
Two years later, I was walking across the campus at the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown for my first in-person grad school class. I could hear the band playing somewhere nearby, and for a second it took me right back to my high school band days. That caught me off guard. Something familiar in the middle of something completely new.
The scared parts were still there. They had followed me all the way to Pennsylvania, into the building, into the seat.
Everyone else in the cohort already knew each other. They’d started the program together while I’d been taking online courses. So it was awkward at first. But I knew I was there to learn.
There were about five of us who were older, not in our early twenties, carrying jobs and real-life experience into a room full of students who were sometimes more interested in whatever was on their laptop screen or what they were wearing to the party that weekend. Normal stuff for them. But I was on the serious side. I wanted to learn. I wanted to start my own practice the minute I got my degree.
That little group of older students became a kind of quiet bond. We stuck together.
Looking back, I can see those scared parts were still there. But something had shifted. I showed up anyway.
What Confidence Actually Looks Like
In IFS, confidence is one of the 8 Cs of Self. It’s not the absence of fear or doubt. It’s what we can access when we make space for those fearful parts without letting them drive.
When I was considering leaving my job in probation, my protectors were giving me all the reasons why I should be cautious. They wanted safety and predictability. And those were reasonable things to want. But confidence was there too, waiting to be accessed once I gave those fearful parts some understanding.
Cindy’s wisdom helped. Not by arguing with my parts or telling them they were wrong. By letting them be heard but also trusting what Self already knew. By reflecting it back until I could see it too.
A Reflection for Your Journey
Sometimes confidence is something we access on our own. And sometimes we need someone to hold it for us until we’re ready.
- When have you needed to borrow someone else’s belief in you before you could find your own?
- How do your protector parts try to keep you safe from taking risks? What are they afraid might happen?
- Is there a decision you’ve been circling that a quiet, steady part of you already knows the answer to?
This post is part of my monthly series exploring the 8 Cs of Internal Family Systems, a framework that shapes how I teach, write, and support healing. The 8 Cs are qualities described by Dr. Richard Schwartz, founder of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model.